Sun Touched (Diamara Book 1) Read online

  "I just...I mean...I guess I never expected it. When did this happen?" Madea asked, trying to sound happy for them.

  "While you had your nose buried in the workings of the lab." Rickard smiled. "You didn't expect us to put our lives on hold until you decided we were worthy of your attention, did you?" He quirked an eyebrow.

  "Well, no. I guess I didn't realize just how much might change while I was busy." She took a long sip of her juice, and then another, wishing it was alcoholic, or at least able to ease her suddenly dry throat.

  Madea couldn't bring herself to be angry—it's not like she'd shared her private thoughts with either of them—but that didn't stop the ache she felt. She took another sip of her drink and forced a smile. "It's quite a surprise. How amazing."

  They were both looking at her intently, unconvinced by her act. Who was she kidding? She'd never been great at lying. Why start now?

  "I'm sorry, I just never expected it. I mean, I had never imagined the two of you...I'm struggling to get my head around...none of my words are coming out right. I'm sorry." Madea shook her head, pushing back through the crowd before either of them could see the tears welling in her eyes.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Rickard found her first.

  She had known he would look for her there, on the terrace of her old bedroom. They'd spent many hours dangling their legs over the edge, talking about what life might have been like for their families if they had stayed on Earth and what their futures might hold here on Diamara.

  "We've got ten minutes, and then your sister's coming to talk to you," he said as he sat down, his leg brushing against hers. He put an arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder.

  "She won't get mad if she sees us like this?" Madea sniffed back tears.

  "She's your sister, and I'm your friend. We love you."

  Those words set her off again, she let the tears stream down her face while Rickard pulled her closer. He smelled so good, so manly.

  "I just...I..." She swallowed back the words.

  "You thought that maybe it would be us one day. I know. Me too," he admitted. "But we're not kids any more, and one day might never come. While you were off studying, and working and doing all the important things you do, we were left here, missing you. She's pretty amazing, your sister. I'd do anything for her." He paused. "Do you think you can be happy for us?"

  "No. Not tonight. Ask me again tomorrow?" Madea smiled at him. He laughed and she felt a little less sick. "I can't hate you for this. I can't hate her. It's not your fault."

  "It's no one's fault. This is a good thing. Wait and see—there's someone else out there for you, someone who fits, who will make you feel the way Sarai makes me feel."

  "Do you really mean that?" She knew how clichéd that was, how needy and pathetic she sounded, but she couldn't help it. It had been so long since anyone had reassured her about anything.

  "Of course. Any man would be lucky to have you, you just have to stop working so hard. You're not going to meet someone when you spend all your time at the lab."

  Madea bit her lip, feeling another bout of tears approach. If only he knew—anyone knew—about Sullivan.

  "Madea?" Rickard nudged her. "What's wrong?"

  She closed her eyes and kept biting her lip, willing his question to disappear.

  "You know I'm not going away. You either tell me now, or you tell your sister and she'll tell me later. It's your call."

  Madea dwelled on that for a moment. Then, seeing as they would both know eventually she buried her head in his chest. "I think I might be pregnant. My boss..."

  "You what?" The surprise in Rickard's voice was priceless. "Sullivan? I thought he was as celibate as they came. How did you tempt him?"

  Madea punched Rickard’s arm. "Don't you tell me I'm at fault for this."

  "Ow! No, I meant that I thought he was immune to the charms of the opposite sex. Though, I guess if anyone could persuade a man it would be you." He laughed and she punched him again.

  "Stop that. None of this is funny! What if I am—" She placed a hand on her belly and cringed.

  "Well, you don't know that you are." Rickard shrugged. "Take a test? Maybe you should talk to your sister about this one..."

  "Men, so useless."

  "Hey, it wasn't me! Does he know?"

  "I don't even know for sure, why would he?" She shook her head. "You are so frustrating. We'd never have made it as husband and wife, Sarai can have you."

  "So gracious of you," Sarai said as she stepped through the door and onto the terrace. The humour in her voice was undeniable. Sarai sat down beside Rickard, their hands intertwining easily, each surface of their body drawn to the other like a magnet. The perfect reminder of what she didn't have with Sullivan.

  Madea sighed.

  "Are you going to tell me what's up? Or will I have to drag it out of Rickard later?"

  "She thinks she's pregnant with Sullivan's baby," Rickard whispered loudly. “Don't tell your father."

  "That's really going to put a dent in his marriage plans for you," Sarai quipped.

  "You two are made for each other," Madea grumbled. "I shouldn't have said anything." She pushed herself up and away from them, but Rickard caught hold of her hand.

  "Take the test, then call us, okay? We'll come and have dinner with you tomorrow night—if you can drag yourself away from work for that long."

  "Work is the last place I want to be right now." Madea pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, wishing that some of the tension in her head would disappear. "I'll see you tomorrow night, and if you breathe so much as a word of this to anyone..."

  "Like we would." Sarai placed her hands on Madea's shoulders. "You're my big sister, but that doesn't mean I can't help you. You were always there for me, after Mum...let me be here for you. Please? A baby is a wonderful thing. Every baby on Diamara."

  Madea pulled her into an embrace, though it wasn't as comforting as it should have been. Logically she knew that the colony needed children to thrive, but she'd always thought her value was in the work she did, not in bearing babies. "Thank you," she whispered.

  "I would do anything for you. Anything. Now sneak out before Dad starts parading men in front of you. You don't need that tonight." Sarai kissed her on the cheek then gently pushed her towards the steps. "Love you."

  "Love you, too. See you tomorrow." Madea slipped her shoes off and headed down the steps and into the shadow of the house, hoping no one would notice that she was missing.

  Halfway home, Madea changed her mind and headed for the lab, knowing that Sullivan would be there. He almost never bothered going home, the fold out bed in his office useful for naps as well as other things.

  She didn't want to face her own empty rooms, the cold sheets of her bed. She couldn't think of anything worse right now. Well, one thing—rejection—but that was worth risking on the chance that Sullivan would let her in, wrap his arms around her and obliterate the night’s losses.

  As she drew closer to the lab she felt a pang of grief. It wasn't often that she remembered life on Earth, but living in a domed city where the air was always the same temperature and there was never any wind or rain, it sometimes felt stagnant, lifeless. During the night the vents would open and fresh air would be pushed through, and occasionally Madea would stay up for that moment, relishing in the cool, crisp air as it invaded the domes.

  Right now she could have done with a gust of wind to dry her tears, or a shower of rain to refresh her mind. She'd have to face Sullivan like this. Madea smoothed her dress out, only then remembering that she was wearing the one her father had gifted her. Sullivan wouldn't refuse her when she looked like this.

  She pressed her palm to the sensor at the door and it slid open for her. The lab was cool and the combined fragrances of the chemical compounds and organics they kept comforted her with their familiarity.

  "Sully?" she called. She couldn't hear him moving around, but that didn't mean he wasn't here.

&
nbsp; "Maddy." The warmth in his voice surprised her, but as he popped his head around the office door she could see that his cheeks were flushed with the tell-tale signs of his drug use. "Didn't expect to see you back tonight."

  He had the decency to look apologetic, but Madea couldn't hold it against him. He worked hard, and sometimes he needed something to help him stop. He'd crafted the perfect drug for it too, along with a secondary component to flush it from his system as soon as he needed to be clear-headed. "Do you want some?" He offered her small pink pill, but she refused. She didn't like to lose control, and while the dosage was probably fairly low, it wasn't worth the risk if she were pregnant.

  "Do you want some company?" she asked.

  His smile spread as he took in her attire. "Like any man would turn you down looking like that." He chuckled. "No luck for Daddy finding you the right man tonight, huh?"

  "Not you, too." She rolled her eyes to blink away the tears that threatened to return. "I came here to escape that kind of talk." Madea walked towards him, slipping off her shoes and letting her hair loose to fall down her back. She placed her hands on his chest and felt his muscles through the roughness of his shirt, inhaling the scent of him. He was enough to make her forget, and this might be her last chance to take comfort in Sullivan if they were having a baby. Who knew how he would respond to it.

  "Don't worry. I'm probably the man least likely to talk of marriage and all the stuff that goes along with it." He pulled her towards him and Madea did her best to ignore his words, focusing instead on the taste of his skin, salty with sweat from his days work, and the feel of his slightly greasy hair through her fingers.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The first thing Madea noticed the next morning was the overwhelming desire to puke. She'd unravelled herself from Sullivan's embrace and left as soon as he was snoring, but hadn't had the energy to shower once she'd got home.

  It was part of their unspoken agreement that she never spent the whole night with him, though last night would have been the perfect time to make an exception to the rule. Last chances...she was so sure he would cut her off once she told him about the baby. Anything that took him away from his job was considered a waste of his precious time.

  A coppery tang rose in the back of her throat. She sat up and dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, scuffing her feet across the rough rug as she tried to decide whether she was actually going to throw up or not. She grabbed the glass of water beside her bed and finished it off, even though it was lukewarm and stale.

  A shower would improve things. Running water always did. It didn't matter that today she intended to head outside the domes where the dust would infiltrate every crease of her body. Right now she needed to feel fresher.

  And before the shower...well, she would take that test. She already felt awful, the result wasn't going to make her feel any worse. Madea felt the tell-tale tingle in her nostrils and crinkled her face, squeezing her nose to try and prevent the tears that threatened. Life sucked right now, it did, but things could be worse. She wasn't Janae, whose whole life had been stripped away in a few moments of terror. And she wasn't Janae's son, who was left without a mother, or anyone to really care for him. Where was he now?

  Her baby, at least, would have a mother, a family who would care for it, even if the father chose not to be a part of its life. It would have an education, hope, a future lined up for it, serving their colony and making life on the planet better than it was now. A purpose.

  Despite these thoughts the tears spilled out. Madea brushed them away and pushed up from the bed. She crossed to the bathroom and opened the cupboard, pulling down a test and driving the needle into her thumb before she had time to stop and think about it.

  The sting was bad enough to make her grimace. She put the test on the counter and switched the shower on. She waited for the temperature to be perfect, her eyes on the test strip, and before long the double yellow lines appeared. Her wet hand dropped to her stomach, resting below her belly button.

  A baby.

  She barely made it to the toilet before last night's dinner reappeared.

  A baby.

  Her baby. Sullivan's baby. Gorgeous Sullivan, who didn't want a real relationship. Who most certainly didn't want a family. Oh God.

  Sarai's words rang in her head. Her father was going to be angry. As much as babies were a welcome thing, those old Earth hangovers were still around and there weren't that many men willing to shack up with a pregnant woman. Not that she wanted a husband. She didn't even know if she wanted a baby. And yet, here she was.

  She submitted to the pressure and heat of the shower, letting her tears mingle with the water.

  Madea's skin was a vibrant red when she stepped from the shower; thoroughly clean, wrung out, washed free of emotions. She pulled on her clothes, laced her boots, grabbed her pack from the end of the bed and strapped on her timer. She needed to be out, to get away from everything which troubled her inside these glass walls, but she wasn't foolish enough, or depressed enough, to go out without the timer.

  Her street was quiet at this hour of the morning, only a few others were making their way to work, and no one would be heading outside the domes yet. Madea didn't mind; she didn't want company right now, although being left alone with her thoughts probably wasn't a good thing either. She paused, looking across her dome, the housing units stacked on each other, only slightly more spacious than those in the poorer sectors; the streets only wide enough for the city transports to pass through. It was all so mundane, but it felt alien to her in that moment. What was she going to do?

  Have a baby, that's what. Tell Sullivan and her father so that they could get their respective rants over with. Though she didn't think she could face her father. He was going to give her that disappointed look, the one he'd mastered.

  She hated to admit it, but she had never wanted to rebel to this extent. This was possibly the worst thing she could have done. She would be worthless in his eyes now, of no use as a pawn in the game of power that took place behind the scenes. He might be high up in the Council, but that didn't mean there weren't still useful alliances to be gained. And while that should have made her happy—hadn't she always longed to be free of his machinations?—she couldn't find an ounce of glee.

  She had never wanted to be the perfect daughter, but at least she'd never done anything obvious to get in the way of his plans. Master politician that he was, no doubt he'd find some way to spin this in his favour. His wonderful daughter was pregnant; not only was she helping the colony with her scientific endeavours, but she was boosting the population as well. Smart women have smart babies. She could hear it now. Her baby would be a pawn, just like Madea was.

  Would it be a boy or a girl? Could she wait the months to find out, or would she succumb to the curiosity and take a test in the next few weeks?

  Janae had a boy. The woman had called him Jaxon, had begged for Madea's help. But what could she do? She had managed to avoid thinking about him last night, but the confirmation of a child within her womb only added to her guilt. She could go to Dome Four. Just to see him, make sure that he was being looked after, and then she wouldn't feel so bad about what had happened to Janae.

  In fact, the fields could wait. Right now, this was more important.

  Madea ducked back into her house and shoved some jars of food, some fresh fruit and bread into her bag, hoping that would help.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Madea had to nudge the sliding door between Three and Four to make it open. Obviously maintenance didn't come by here often enough. The smell of the working class hit her unsettled stomach hard, sending bile up the back of her throat. Water was a precious resource on Diamara, but here that became more apparent. Fourth was dominated by those who weren't skilled enough to work within the domes. It was really no surprise when one of them got Sun-Touched, but it hadn't been until Madea met Janae that she'd really thought about that. It wasn't fair that they should suffer losses when the richer, more skilled, coul
d go largely un-Touched.

  Blinds twitched open as she passed. People in safety overalls to protect them from the sun headed for exits. They looked tired and overworked, despite it being morning, and she felt out of place in her reasonably new clothing.

  It had been many months since she had ventured down this way, and it seemed worse to her now than it had back then—but perhaps that was because this time she was actually looking rather than passing through to wherever she'd been going. It wasn’t like she thought she was better than anyone else, but everything looked different after meeting Janae.

  Lost in thought, she bumped into a man, his skin well browned from time spent outside the dome and his face lined with age. She couldn't see his eyes, hidden behind the dark glasses worn by workers.

  "Sorry," she said, catching his elbow to steady him. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

  He laughed for a moment, shaking his head. "I’m blind, lass. But it's nice of you to take the blame."

  "I didn't realize..."

  He sniffed at her, his mouth hardening. "You're not from this sector, are you? What are you doing here?" There was an accusation in his voice, tempered by curiosity.

  "I'm looking for someone. A boy."

  "There are a lot of boys down here, and we'd prefer it if you left them alone. Don't you have enough young men calling on you back where you come from?"

  "We are all part of the domes—" she began to recite the doctrine taught in school.

  "We might be, but you know as well as I do that doesn't always count for much."

  Madea took a deep breath, biting back a retort. "This boy, Jaxon. His mother was Janae, she was Sun-Touched." Madea spoke quickly, trying to get the words out before the old man cut her off again.

  "Oh. Well, that's a different story entirely. What do you want with him?"

  "I was there when she was...when she was Hollowed. I held her hand until they wouldn't let me anymore." Madea swallowed the lump in her throat, trying not to let the vivid memories of that occasion gain a hold in her mind. "She asked me to help him. Jaxon."